Friday, October 17, 2008

Chrome Plated Cheese


To save the last piece of cheese on Earth from being destroyed, Dr. Feelgood had it encased in chrome. However, when the cheese was irradiated by SPACE RAYS, it mutated and evolved into the living creature known as CHROME PLATED CHEESE!

Upon becoming a sentient being, Chrome took up a job in Mexico as a private detective.

Chrome is a spinoff of a comic character I made in my youth named, W.I.T (Weird Is Terrific). I used to draw Chrome on the back of all my high school homework...instead of actually doing the homework.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

HALP TEH CHILDREN!



You want to know when we are fucked as a society? When people start thinking and believe that a child's doll sends Islamic and/or Satanic messages that corrupt children.

I am going to completely bypass the idea that a doll that supports Islam is no worse than the multitude of Christian themed toys, and just say to these people that they need to fuck off and die.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

My hammer, "Grond", why it is so great, and the song about Him!


I have this large, heavy hammer at home. There really isn't that much special about it at first glance, but when I am holding it I feel invincible.

The term "Grond" is derived from Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings and The Silmarillion. In a nutshell:

The first Grond appears in The Silmarillion. In the First Age, Grond was the great mace of Morgoth BauglĂ­r, the first Dark Lord, who wielded it when he fought with Fingolfin, High King of the Noldor Elves. With every blow from the mace that struck the ground, a crater was formed. Morgoth managed to kill the High King, but not without receiving seven wounds himself.

The second Grond appears in The Lord of the Rings. During the The Siege of Gondor in the Third Age, a great battering ram was named after the mace. A hundred feet long with a head shaped like a snarling wolf, it was used in the siege of Minas Tirith, pulled by "great beasts" (probably Oliphaunts, called that just a few sentences earlier) and operated by mountain-trolls. Aided by spells laid on it by the Witch-king of Angmar, lord of the Ringwraiths, and the spells cast upon it during its forging in Mordor, Grond destroyed the formidable gate of Minas Tirith in just three blows. After it had been used, it was pulled back so the forces of Mordor could enter the city. After this nothing more is known about it.

In some illustrations, the phrase "Hammer of the Underworld" is taken literally and Grond is erroneously depicted as a war hammer.
[ed.-Hey, fuck you!]

Now we know who Grond is and why He is so great, I do believe I promised all of you a song! (I apologize in advance, it is fucking terrible. Really!)

GROND! GROND! GROND!

He's our friend! Friend! Friend!

What a friend! GROND! Friend!

He's our GROND! Friend! GROND!

(repeat)