Friday, August 29, 2008

Two new dreams!


All righty, true believers, I had two more noteworthy dreams recently. One kind of silly, one kind of disturbing.

The Incredible WTF

In this dream, I was playing Bill Bixby's role of Bruce/David Banner. I was trying very hard to avoid being noticed by the "authorities", leading to an amusing car chase that had me carjack a minivan and drive it like a tank/off road vehicle/supercar.

However, after I had escaped the "authorities", the van broke down, and I walked to this guy's house that "I knew from college". He was a big Jesus freak and an alcoholic. He had all kinds of freaky flags with pictures of Jesus and the Crucifixion up all over his lawn and house.

He invites me in and asks me to share some wine with him. Then some more. Then...some more. Once we are good and toasty, something unexpected happens! Sigourney Weaver busts into the room with a gun and informs us that she called the police on me and was going to get the reward for my capture!!!

My drunken Jesus Freak friend tries to stop her, and she shoots and kills him, then I become angry and turn into THE INCREDIBLE HULK! The shock of seeing my transformation turns Sigourney Weaver's hair into white dreadlocks. So I grab her, drag her into the bathroom, and stand her in front of the mirror and say, "Fix that ugly weave, bitch!" (WTF?) Then I run off like Hulk always does.

********************
Fellowship of the Grisly Crime Scene
********************

Much like Tolkien's Fellowship of the Ring, I was a nondescript member of a fellowship that were trying to secretly and safely transport a bag of valuable "Dwarf Gems". It was similar to the LOTR fellowship, with one major exception: it was led not by Gandalf the Grey, but a tall dwarf-woman wizard.

At one point during our journeys, we stop at a house to rest from our long travels, and the dwarf-woman wizard starts freaking out. She is screaming baout how she has failed all of us, especially those whom she considers her students. As her tirade continues, she gets more and more flustered, and she starts stripping naked.

Once she is fully unclothed (and having an unusually well kept patch of pubes for an ugly, hairy dwarf-woman), she announces that "It is all over!", and holds some sort of small relic to the temple of her forehead. As she holds it there, her face turns red and her head starts...inflating.

Next thing we know, her fucking head explodes and her body goes flying across the room and crashes into a Christmas Tree. All of us are sprayed with SPAM-like chunks of brain matter and flesh, and there are little chunks of it all over the floor.

If that wasn't bad enough, the door opens right then, and my dad comes in with his two hunting dogs (a big lab and a lab mix). The two big dogs come stampeding in and began to eat all the little chunks of dead dwarf-woman wizard off the floor. As if taking a cue from the dogs, two of my cats come out from behind the couch and take in the feast as well.

So, I am totally grossed out by the scene, and go to leave the room. In the adjacent hallway, there are still a few chunks that had flown off in that direction on the floor. Sure enough, my third cat pops out from the shadows and starts eating the chunks.
Thank Kahless for alarm clocks.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Top Ten List-Ice Cream Flavours


In honour of the BTK Rader's new Ice Cream Truck, here is a Filmdrunkard list of the Top Ten Flavours Offered On The BTK Raders Ice Cream Truck!

  1. Mooncup fudge ripple-Robopanda (daaaaaaaamn!)
  2. Uncooked Pork Swirl-Lince (I almost left you off just so YOU could see how demoralizing it can be to feel overlooked! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!)
  3. Butt Mudd ice cream soft served fresh out the hole-name818
  4. Chunky Monkeyfist Knot-JHC
  5. Menses and cream-erswi
  6. Pralines and Dick-Tengo (here's hoping that monkeys fly out of your butt)
  7. Brown Release-PeteHammond
  8. Death Race By Chocolate-Burnsy
  9. Tutti Fuckin' Frutti!-Fek'lhr (shame on you if you didn't get the The Devil's Rejects reference!)
  10. (tie) Peanutis Butter/chocolate and nut butter-elle0 and Dr. Steve, disrespectively
Honourable mention: Tin Roofies Sundae!-Donk

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Sweet! Send your name into outer space!

My friend, Gumby the Cat, has a cool link where you can add your name to a list that will be shot into outer space via DVD by NASA!

You even get a swell Certificate of Participation you can download:


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Apparently I won some fucking award


My little blog-buddy, GumbyTheCat, put me up for the highly prestigious Arte y Pico Award! I decided to play along, so here we have it:

Rules:

1) You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award, creativity, design, interesting material, and also contributes to the blogger community, no matter of language.
2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3) Each award-winning, has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.
4) Award-winning and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y pico”blog , so everyone will know the origin of this award.
5) To show these rules.


OK, now that we have the bullshit out of the way, here are the five blogs I chose:

  1. Filmdrunk-It's better than being attacked by a prison inmate wielding a sock full of carpenter nails, and slightly less painful.
  2. Geektress-The embodiment of nerd power...girly style!
  3. Please Be Patient, I Am Evolving As Fast As I Can-EVOLVE FASTER!
  4. Brooding Cynyx-Tearing off the head and shitting down the neck of headlines.
  5. Fat Chicks In Party Hats-Not technically a blog, so fuck you!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Dor sho gha! Kotals of the Week!


Qaplah, forshak-hut dwelling yIntaghs! The Mighty Fek'lhr felt compelled to revive Kotals of the Week, thanks to Lince Mangina's awesome post over at Filmdrunk.

  1. Michelle07 says There are FOUR actors
  2. Burnsy says Shouldn't Sulu's triangle be pink?
  3. GenePoolParty says Chris Pine? Might as well cast a Scotch Pine as Kirk.
  4. Burnsy says Heath Ledger will play an Andorian.
  5. Fek'lhr says GRRR...I ONLY USE ROMULAN ALE FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES!!!
  6. Charlie Bronze says Is Sulu still gay in this?
  7. Michelle07 says You have some Klingons around Uranus.
  8. affleckwasthebomb says Are there 10 people on here that have the knowledge to make a good trek comment?
  9. The Kurgan says Karl Urban as McCoy? so this Bones will not only kick your ass, but fix it too?
  10. Eibmoz says I read it, sheep fucker. Stop telling true stories of your teen years and passing them off a jokes.

Friday, August 8, 2008

QAPLAH!


The casting for the Garfield Scoutmaster Snuff Film is going well!