Friday, June 27, 2008

New dream-"Ejacuvern"


I had a swell dream last night. The only background info needed to understand the irony/humor/horror of some of the situations is that my "Aunt Bertha" and "Sister Chrissy" are both nuns.

I was having the penultimate family reunion. I had everyone I was even remotely related to together in a gigantic manse. I was mingling when my Aunt Bertha and her BFF Sister Chrissy approached me.

"Matt, we are having a good time and all, but your dad's sisters are really hard to get along with."

"Understandable, Aunt Bertha, that is why when I was younger I never went around them unless I was as high as a kite."

"Matt, that is a great idea!"

My Aunt Bertha motions to a side room and goes in. I follow her, and Sister Chrissy comes in with my brother trailing her. After we are in the room, Aunt Bertha opens up her fanny pack and pulls out all of this mad fucking bud rolled up in joints, acid geltabs, and them little baby bottles of Jagermeister.

"I was saving these up for just such an occasion!"

So my brother and I proceed to get stoned and fucked up out of our minds with Aunt Bertha and Sister Chrissy. After we are good and messed up. we overhear that the rest of the family is going to watch "The new Indiana Jones movie".

We emerge from our smoky side room, and start watching the movie on the big screen:

There are dark and ancient ruins, in a antechamber deep in the bowels is a naked woman laying on the floor. Around her are many candles, making an image of a crucifix around the nude woman.

There are a set of stairs leading down into this antechamber, and Vern Troyer appears and walks down them. He walks to the base of the "candlelight crucifix" and removes all of his clothing. He proceeds to ejaculate all over the nude woman's breasts and then her face. We are talking Peter North loads, and they were, like, "glowing in the dark".

It's at this point Indy comes running down the stairs, and he yells, "STOP THE SACRIFICE!" He starts to count candles, and when he gets to "Seven", he stops and underneath the seventh candle a hole opens up to reveal a dark hidden stairwell leading down.

Vern grabs Indy by the leg and tells him, "That is where The Master lives...The Master doesn't see ANYONE!"
Unfortunately, this is where my alarm clock went off, but I thought it still made for a good story.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Best Bible passage ever.


Numbers 31:17
"And kill every woman who has slept with a man."

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Anger Issues Suck

This entry is solely meant as a way for me to express how I am feeling in a small, isolated time-frame in my life.

Anyone that is close to me knows I have anger management/rage issues. It is something I have had psychiatric help on, but that doesn't mean that living with it is easy. Finding ways to cope with anger doesn't mean it magically goes away.

If you don't have anger issues, I am happy for you. I hope you never experience them. Here's why:

  • If you have anger issues, it invariably takes itself out on the people you care about at some point, and in one fashion or another.
  • Your family and friends ask you why you are like "Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde" sometimes.
  • Anger and rage can make you feel more lonely and isolated that depression can.
  • You are powerless from feeling angry, and that can piss you off, and you get angry at yourself for being angry, and it just downward spirals.
  • People look at you like you are fucking crazy if you have an "outbreak".
  • You fucking say shit to people you never would say otherwise.
  • You start hoping that if you destroy what is angering you, the anger will cease.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

"Beating a Dead Horse": (I *HATE* SATC)


I have read a lot of reviews for the Sex and the City movie. I never watched the show, I will never go see the movie. I was trying to understand what the appeal of this "genre" was by reading the movie reviews.

However, I stumbled upon a much more disgusting truth wading through the quagmire of written word regarding this flick. This bullshit movie and the four old ugly hookers associated is nothing more than a propaganda machine for over-privileged, dried-up cunts to put their hatred of themselves on a pedestal and drop it on the heads of men.

For example, here is feedback a negative review from a female writer got:

"You have never just wanted to feel beautiful or powerful?"

Or Kahless Forbid you are a man!

"You're an idiot. Threatened much? Let me guess. You like movies about male fantasies and think they are inherently deeper. Heads up, they aren't. Guns and violence, super heroes and transformers are just as dull to women as heart, friendship, fashion and fun are to you."

Here's another good one:

"Why in the world would the star ledger have a man rate a chick flick. This movie was great and I give it 4 stars as does every woman I know who saw it. This is not a film a man can understand. It is about woman power and friendships through thick and thin. Please star ledger...have a woman review chick flicks and keep the men to rating war movies and action flicks."

And this crap just goes on ad nauseum. What's the matter, you stinky little pampered cunts? Someone call you on your shitty tastes in movies and now you are trying to save face? I have a better suggestion, cook me a steak, grab me a beer, and suck my dick. Hell, I bet you are too fucking helpless to even accomplish that. FUCK YOU! You probably can't even check the mail without spending an hour doing your hair. Women like these are as "empowering" to this society as the fucking camelfuckers that flew the planes into the World Trade Center.