Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Fucked up asswipes that help ruin my childhood

Throughout my life, I have been confronted with a lot of douchebags. I met a lot of these douchebags when I was young, and it might explain why I am the way I am (pornogrphically violent...I mean imaginative). I am not going to name names (even though some of them deserve it), but I am going to go through and tell about the fuckheads that help contribute to the shittiness of my childhood. Oh, and if anyone out there recognizes themselves in this post, please let me say, "Fuck you to the fullest, you shit eating retard."

I suppose I should start with the freaky pedophile I met at about the age of 6. He never actually tried anything with me (I was too old for his tastes), but he used to sing these creepy pedo-songs to children. I can only remember a little bit of one, but it was something like, "In a house....lives Mickey Mouse...and Donald Duck?...He drives a truck!" Yeah, fucked up.

Let's see, then there are the two lesbians and their daughter. They would get me high and basically lock me in the room with their daughter, and then she would try to get me to go down on her. Yeah, I was like 7.

There was the babysitter that showed me a porno.

Then there was the babysitter that asked if I knew what a vagina was. Where did my parents find these fucking babysitters?

Oh yeah, there was like this creepy old woman who was the mother of my dad's friend. She used to smoke while she had her oxygen tank on. That used to freak me out.

There were some fucked up kids in school. This one asswipe used to lie about everything and anything. There were fucked up retards, too. One of them was in my homeroom in junior high and used to rub his crotch in class all the time. Then there was that poor fucker in grade school. He kinda looked like that "Mask" dude. Oh, and he tried to hug me once, it was frightening. Then there was the kid that had an invisible friend that sat in the corner of the sandbox. If you tried to play there, he would fucking spaz. His only friend was this fat kid that liked My Little Pony.

Then there was that old fucking dinosaur of a bitch I had for PE in grade school. She was old and yelled a lot. Her hair and teeth had that same shade of yellow over silver...fucked up.

Then there was the fucking student teacher that tried to get me interested in books at the library (I was with the "advanced kids group"). She thought that just because I wasn't interested in any of the books at our fucking tiny school library, that the reading must be too hard for me. So she got me this fucking frog and toad book and read it to me. Stupid fucking cunt. Maybe if she would have read me a Hustler and let me feel her up she would have got the desired response out of me.

Then there was the fucking asshole dicklicker student councilor in junior high that told me i would never graduate high school with my poor attitude. I only made the deans list in high school 9 times. That guy was a childfucker, you could just tell.

There are more, but that is all I feel like writing about right now.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Guest Commentary by The Mighty Fek'lhr

QaPlah! The Mighty Fek'lhr would recount a tale of a spineless yIntagh to all of you cowering pieces of forshak. You see, He was not always known as The Mighty Fek'lhr, He was once a young man in high school named Matthias.

In high school, Matthias knew of a young derelict with inferior mental capacity. Not wanting to name names, He will refer to him as Duras. Duras was the same age as Matthias, but severely lacked the mental capacity of a toddler (let alone a high school student). In fact, this groveling, sniveling baktag was so stupid, that once during 9th grade science he saw fit to stick a FORK in the electrical outlet, shorting out the line to the classroom. Needless to say, Duras had ruined the microscope experiment for the entire class, including Matthias.

Now, the thing that really perplexed Matthias was Duras' incessant and persistent name calling. Duras seemed obsessed to find a mocking anecdote about Matthias that rhymed with his name. What Duras eventually arrived at was "My thigh hurts". Yes. "My thigh hurts." was the absolutely ineffective taunt that this raving yIntagh would hurl at Matthias in class.

How does one respond to that? The universe may never know.