Tuesday, February 22, 2011

People in Iowa are smart and chatty


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I went to the post office during my lunch break to mail a moderately important letter. When I get in line, there is a George-Costanza-esque guy talking to this old lady in front of him in line. He turns around and informs me, “There was a guy in line behind me, but he had to go get some medicine real quick and doesn’t want to lose his place, ok?

I nodded because there was no one in line behind me and I welcomed the barrier between myself and Georgie Porgie’s stupid rambling.

Well, sure enough, Medicine Guy comes in like 3 seconds after Georgie “verbally held his spot”. Aside from his dick hipster hat, the guy seemed ok. Well, until HE joins in the conversation with with Georgie and Old Woman.

The conversation flowed as follows: Georgie was there because his friend from England was sending him a jacket. He explains to old lady he can get things cheaper in Europe (euro exchange, blah blah blah), kinda like buying from China (Georgie is a self-segue-setting-up-grand master).

Taking the easy bait, Old Lady asks if Georgie has been to China! NOT ONLY THAT! Georgie LIVED IN CHINA FOR 6 MONTHS! Apparently the Chinese are REALLY keen on Pop Tarts, by the way. Oh! Medicine guy thinks it’s funny that Chinese people like pop tarts! Old Lady remembers Pop Tarts before they even had icing on them! SHE DOESN’T LIKE THE ICING!

I tune out for a few minutes to preserve my sanity, and when I tune back in Old Lady is spouting some horseshit about how women in China don’t have to take their husbands name in marriage, and that China is seemingly much more advanced than the United States when it comes to “womens lib issues”.

That is when Georgie chimes in that is is due to the religion in China, blah blah blah, segue for Georgie’s horse crap about religion in Europe, I am trying to stay as tuned out as humanly fucking possible, but it gets to the point where Old Lady is so distracted by the crap that the post office worker has to yell at her to turn around and realize she is next in line.

It doesn’t stop there, either, Georgie literally has to turn around WHILE HE IS SIGNING FOR HIS JACKET to finish his last quip to medicine Guy about the prevalence of religion in the society of “Barvaria”.

My turn finally came, and I was promptly done with my transaction in about 45 seconds. As I left, Georgie was trying on his new jacket, and it was too tight because he’s a stupid short little fucking retarded lard ass.

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