Monday, January 10, 2011

Filmdrunk Callback-Top Ten Green Hornet Villains


After finding that cover art from above, the only thing in this world more difficult than imagining bizarre Green Hornet villains that haven't already been taken is basically figuring out Cold Fusion. Well, it didn't stop us Filmdrunkards from trying! Dor sho gha!

Top Ten Pretend Green Hornet Villains With Idiosyncrasies And The Thespians That Portray Them!

  1. Dingus says:

    An elitist sycophant who feeds on the Haitian dead. Played by Sean Penn, naturally.

  2. Crapbasket says:

    Karaoke championship loser who pulls out her tongue and yells, “haaaaaahhp! Baaaaahhhh!” at children, as played by Lilly Tomlin.

  3. Patty Boots says:

    Bitchy, spoiled heiress with radioactive yellow hair who buys up the world’s puppy supply just so she can kick them all.

    Played by Katherine Heigl, naturally.

  4. Eibmoz says:

    Crazy couple who strangles using belts but makes it look like an accident: The Quaids.

  5. ThereAreNoTeams says:

    Toothy, midget dwarf, psuedo-religious nut, who exerts influence and power over Hollywood seemingly magically and with no justification, played by Tom Cruise.

    Ohhhh reality, you truly are stranger than fiction.

  6. Dingus says:

    A gay man and his beard. Played by Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, naturally.

  7. Patty Boots says:

    A tough, rage-filled, totally not stereotypical Latina who communicates solely through yelling and is the scourge of libraries everywhere, as played by Michelle Rodriguez.

  8. Crapbasket says:

    Crackhead male nurse who kills elderly patients for their hard candies played by Luke Wilson.

  9. ThereAreNoTeams says:

    Jamaican rudeboy gang-banger who speaks with a Canadian accent and uses his multicolored bus of death to run down medical marijuana store owners played by Dustin Hoffman in dreadlocks.

  10. Dick Buttkus says:

    I’d want to kill Seagal with a microwave if he broke out some “Me Want Da Poonani.”

Guy'cha! What does that last one even mean?

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