Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Hawkeyes win 2010 Insight Bowl


(Credit where credit is due: That little #11 dude from Mizzou stood up and took his hits from Iowa all night long.)


Whereas the win against Missouri in this Insight Bowl may not be as pretty as our drumming of Georgia Tech in the last Orange Bowl, the gritty and hard fought victory was well deserved. As much as Micah Hyde deserves high praise and accolades for his game clinching 72-yard interception return for a touchdown, the real story of the night was Iowa's offensive line and Marcus Coker.

Coker, a dumptruck of a running back with supercharger mentality, absolutely thrashed the Mizzou defense, carrying the ball 33 times for an Iowa bowl record 217 yards and a pair of touchdowns.

Woof.

Yeah, and that picture up there? That was business as usual. Everybody on the dang team was blocking and hitting Mizzou Tigers wherever they could find them. Coach Ferentz had these guys polarized on a single mission in this bowl game: We WILL run the ball, and you WILL block.

Congratulations, Hawkeyes! Three straight bowl wins for the first time in school history!

Monday, December 20, 2010

New Dream: Grateful Cage


The dream begins with an open mic night at a small comedy club. A middle aged hippie with long red hair and a long red beard walks on the stage, wearing a button up red and black flannel shirt and jeans. He is like a bizarre skinny passive resistant lumberjack.

"I have tried to get into Grateful Dead for a long time, and for years it just didn't catch for me, man. No matter how high I got, it just didn't take off for me...well, until THAT ONE TIME I GOT SOOO HIGH. How high did I have to get? LOOK!"

He then reaches up and makes these two gigantic pigtails with his hair that eventually come to resemble moose-like antlers. Once they were properly shaped, he unbuttons his flannel shirt to reveal a grey tshirt with a drawing on it. Imagine an Abbey Road like drawing with the hippy-lumberjack walking in front, followed by Jerry Garcia and Grateful Dead all in white tuxes, with Nic Cage bringing up the rear dressed as a 50s greaser in a black leather jacket.

The light on the stage then dims and a small film projects on the wall set to generic Grateful Dead-y music. A large ballroom with a shiny floor is shown. Jerry Garcia is playing a massive grand piano. He is sporting a spiked goatee and a large white mohawk. The rest of the band is Vegas show dancing across the ballroom floor. Intermittently, Nic Cage enters from one of the side doors of the room (still dressed as a greaser), does a small "be-bop" dance, exits, then re-emerges to do the same.

Unfortunately, I wake up at this point...but wow.

Friday, December 3, 2010

New dream-Koo Koo Klux


The situation of this dream is as follows: I was in a large conference room of the student union on the University of Arizona campus. It was being used as emergency short term shelter and I was there with about four other students. It was night time, we had just finished watching a concert on tv, and were about to go to sleep.

However, shortly after everyone had lay down, the lights come on and four people wearing Ku Klux Klan robes walk in, two of them carrying a large flag with various symbols (including a swastika). They turn on the lights and walk into the center of the conference room. Their leader announces, "We are the U of A Student Klan Klub, and we had previously arranged to hold our monthly public forum here, and intend to do so. Any of you that are currently disenfranchised are welcome to stay and get what rest you may."

The students that were in the room with me left. The Klan Klub removed their hoods and robes and set up at a small table on the far end of the room. It was two young men and two young women, their leader being a typical Aryan, and all of them nice, white, clean Christians.

As I prepared to leave, one of the young women notices me packing and says, "You don't have to leave, brother. All are welcome at our public forum."

I respond, "I get that you have the First Amendment right to do this, but this ain't my scene and I want to go to bed."

With that she sighs and gives me a look of "Oh, well, another white person lost to liberalism!", so I make sure to toss her, "You only being nice cuz I'm white, you uppity cunt...oh, did you tell your boyfriend you ain't a virgin, yet?"

So, anyway, a line starts forming. People from all walks of life are standing in line to go in front of these four yahoos. Apparently the "public forum" means that you can go to these Klan Klub kids and give them a piece of your mind for precisely 60 seconds. It was great, because all of the sudden the place with packed with people all telling each other what they were going to say. However, the crowning achievement of the open forum queue had to be the guy that was so drunk he was on his hands and knees in line ranting the same thing over and over, "The little foolsh...little foolsh...gonna ruin da world...little foolsh...little foolsh...gonna ruin da world..."