Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I fucking hate the illusion of healthcare


So, I have been in pain for a while now. What started as "wrist tendinitis from too much keyboarding" a few years back has pretty much crept into every joint in my body at this point. I suspect arthritis of some type, and even though I see a doctor in a couple days I doubt s/he will have the fucking stones to stand up and actually diagnose something other that, "YOU ARE FAT AND SEDENTARY, DIAF."

This whole rant stems from an injury I received moving some heavy boxes over my head recently. I strained my shoulder and possibly partially tore one of the tendons in it. They gave me methylprednisolone. I had the best fucking 5 days of my life while I was on it. Sure, my shoulder still hurt, but virtually all the pain in my wrists, fingers, elbows, knees, hips, and back was ELIMINATED, and any routine stiffness and swelling in my fingers was all but gone. I had a spring in my step that I hadn't had in probably over 3 years. It was fucking great.

So, the medicine runs out. I was two weeks out from my follow up appointment with an actual doctor (I saw a physician's assistant the first time. Getting a regular doctor in Iowa City is like a Pomeranian trying to fuck a Great Dane...tall fucking order. By the time you do fucking get someone they either transfer or retire.), so anyway, I went back in to the clinic to see if I could get more of the fucking pills that made the fucking pain cease and my life better.

Instead what I get is fucking whining and boo hoo-ing about how steroids are the fucking bad 4 joo and we can't give you any lolwut diaf. The only moderate good news I got was that they moved my doctor's appointment up to 2 days instead of 2 weeks.

Fuck these pricks. Listen, I fucking realize that taking steroids isn't a long term solution to my damn problems and I didn't go in asking for a lifetime fucking supply of them, I just wanted something to help out until I could see a fucking doctor.

You see, the real kicker with me is my fucking allergies. I am allergic to aspirin, ibuprofen, and virtually everything related to them (in other words any and all pain medication you can get over the counter that actually fucking works). Of course they say enlightened fucking bullshit like "Take Tylenol and put heat on your shoulder, that halps, lol!" I have two things to say to that:

1. No, it doesn't.

2. Methylprednisolone works fucking great, give me that. (And let me reiterate, I fucking understand I can't stay on it forever. I get that steroid therapy has its own set of potential risks. FUCK YOU.)

2a. I fucking hate you.

If fucking Tylenol and a heat pad fucking worked on my fucking condition I wouldn't go to a fucking doctor to have it treated, fuckhead. That is the other thing that fucking kills me about healthcare "professionals", if you are in pain you might as well go jump off a fucking bridge right fucking now because there is not a fucking doctor, nurse, or PA ALIVE that gives a fuck about you or the pain you are in. Doctors will give you pain medication if you come into the ER with a javelin through your face. They realize that must hurt. However, if you have pain from a fucked up shoulder or arthritis like conditions (or other forms of degenerative diseases, like my poor stepmother and her muscular dystrophy), you are fucked. You might as well be a junkie looking for a cheap high because these aloof megalomaniacal self-fellating dream-rapers aren't going to give YOU anything to help. You walked in? YOU CAN FUCKING WALK OUT.

Man, I can't fucking wait until Thursday. I get to meet ANOTHER new doctor that will tell me I am fat, I need to lose weight, and lower my blood pressure. YOU FUCKING GET PAID TOP DOLLAR FOR THAT SHIT? THANKS FOR NOTHING. What about my shoulder and the pain I am in that has become chronic at this point? Are you smart enough to develop a strategy for that other than, "STOP BEENING SO FAT, YOU FATTY FATHEAD MCFAT!"

What, do I deserve to be in pain because I am too overweight and don't believe in Jesus enough to these egomanical jackoffs? Well, no, because they really don't care if you are in pain or not, almost regardless* of your situation.

(*oh, you have money, let me open the medicine cabinet for you, my dear!)

So, anyway, I am betting on Friday I will still be in pain, but I will have lots of nice shiny new blood pressure medications to fill. Actually, I hope I have a cellmate named "Snake" and a doctor's head buried out in a cornfield where the police can't find yet come Friday, but when it hurts to carry a jug of milk, I doubt I will work up the gumption to bury a decapitated head.

2 comments:

Brenda said...

Hmm. I went to doctors for over a year trying to figure out why I felt like shit all the time, and not one of them told me to lose weight. They did run $800 - $1100 worth of tests every time, though, even when I told them those same tests had just been run by another doctor. I'm also unable to take Tylenol and ibuprofen and had migraine headaches like a motherfucker since I was 14 that no one could ever figure out. For a long time weed was a good solution, but it wasn't medical in my state at the time.

notedscholar said...

Mr. Hairy,

Friend, lost brother, please won't you continue the good work of yours on your blog? What is it called, science fail.

Quickly, briefly, I wish to say that you are important in the work that you do on the sciences.

Cheers,
NS