Friday, May 14, 2010
The only thing more retarded than the LOTRO forum trolls are the retards running the LOTRO forums.
Part of me wishes I understood just what in the Nine Hells Turbine wants to see discussed on their forums. In fact, I wonder if they even want anything approaching discussion on their forums whatsoever. Judging by the way they hand out infractions and bans, and by the topics they close or delete (well, even more telling are the topics they leave open), Turbine is not at all interested in anything that even remotely resembles critical discussion of game/community topics. In fact, one can only assume that the forums were not meant at all for adults by the preponderance of pandering done to the whining emotional midgets and the steadfast protection of the intellectually juvenile. A seemingly odd choice for a game that has such a large 30+ (even 40+ and 50+) adult community.
The most telling behaviour of Turbine's spineless, reprehensible collusion with the meandering underbelly of the LOTRO community is their vehement opposition to call into question any single person's assertion about the game or the community. Continual lies about Turbine/LOTRO/the servers/the community are irresponsibly spewed upon the message boards, in all of their run-on-sentence glory, and Turbine leaves us no choice but to let us watch the intellectually bankrupt whitewash the forums with their drivel. "Turbine lies to their customers to get their money!" "LOTRO is a dying game!" "They need to merge servers!" "They need to fire people!" "Steefel promised us XYZ!" "My server is a ghost town!" "ABC is too HARD!" "ABC is too EASY!" "We NEED better housing!" "System Flavour of the Month is BROKEN!" "Turbine NEVER listens to us!" "PVP sucks!" "I wasted EVERYTHING I put into my old legendary weapon...as if I never expected better gear to be relased with new content." "We NEED mounted combat!" "LOTRO WILL go bankrupt if Rohan isn't the next expansion!" "There WILL be a mass exodus!" "I DEMAND answers!" "We DESERVE to know!" "WB is going to cancel lifetime accounts!" "WB is going to cancel LOTRO!" "You will only be able to get 1st age weapons with microtransactions!" The list is never ending. For every dawn of a new day, there is a new idiot with an imaginary problem that feels the need to vomit their mindless scat upon the forums.
However, this doesn't concern or deter Turbine! In fact, they seem to revel in the fact that the Sarah-Palin-player-equivalent shout their lies and nonsense loudly and proudly. The real sin in Turbine's eyes? Anyone that challenges the anti-LOTRO pseudo-rhetoric. By God, Country, Flag, Man and Woman Marriage, and fenced-in-borders, everyone has a right to their opinion on Turbine's forums*! (*Unless that opinion fairly calls into question any blatant falsehood in the LOTRO-critical pseudo-rhetoric.) As long as you are willing to go along with the sewage flow made by these Swiss-cheese-brained mud-hut dwellers (even if they directly personally challenge you), Turbine will grant you the esteemed privilege of wading through the intellectually-defunct, murky quagmire that their forums have become.
Dissent will not be tolerated, though! Big Brother Sapience in all of his Grande Asshole Latte fury will smack you upside the head with infractions in arbitrary increments if you speak up against the toxic intellectual waste flooding the roads in the forums. The common man is not to point out that getting dismounted from your horse on a critical hit is WAI! Knowledge available to everyone that reads release notes and developer diaries should not be presented to those too lazy or illiterate to look it up on their own. These witless buffoons have earned their right to wallow in their ignorance and blame Turbine for it, you fanboys shouldn't be bothering them with facts or reason. Why can't you leave these loud obnoxious liars in peace? Why must you continually disturb our mind-numbingly retarded Forum-Utopia with the most basic forms of logic and reason?
Well, guess what? I don't have any choice but to leave you all to it. The great thing is, I am the one that is better off for it. You forumites and Turbine forum officials can all get together, eat your animal shaped tater tots, then embark on the biggest drool-filled, LOTRO-hating, seething, fuming, stinking, virtual-cyber-circle jerk the universe has ever known. If anything remotely resembling a valid point turns up, it will be strictly by accident. This is the legacy Turbine has provided their players on their official forums for their game. Summarized, "Join the retard circle jerk or fuck off and die."