Friday, April 24, 2009

This PG rated politically correct world can bite it


When did we become so spineless as a species that we have to constantly protect the sensibilities of every possible person from every possible point of fucking view? The watered-down, PG rated, politically correct media is starting to stunt the intellectual growth of this nation (and beyond, I suspect).

My philosophy is, ANYTHING can be brought to the discussion table, regardless of how "awkward" it may seem to talk about. The longer we shy away from saying just what the fuck it is on our minds and saying it plainly, the more obfuscated social dialect and discussion will become, and less relevant!

There are so many cases, I just don't even know where to begin. Of course people that use their religious beliefs (or lack thereof) to cry "Foul!" infuriate me:

  • Some dipshit atheist decides to complain about a Nativity scene displayed at a Public Library during Christmas. I am sure he went through and objected to other religious materials the library has in non-holiday times as well. Sanctimonious fuck. Listen, fuckweed, they put up a nativity display, they didn't hold you down and try to exorcise your atheistic demon and convert you. MOVE ALONG. If you are an atheist, what the fuck do you care about a motherfucking Nativity scene?
  • The fucking Muslims go apeshit when a Danish newspaper publishes cartoons of Muhammed. FUCK THEM AND THEIR HIGH HOLY FUCKING HORSE THEY RODE IN ON. So what if there are a billion of you assholes on the planet, that just means there are about 6 billion that aren't. I guess if your God was so fucking mighty, He would have stopped the cartoons from being published, right? RIGHT?
  • Of course the dumbass Pope has to condemn a sculpture depicting a crucified frog. Let that sink in, people. We seriously have one of the highest religious "authorities" on the planet condemning a piece of art as blasphemous. Fine. For every piece of art the Vatican labels as blasphemous, I am going to make a drawing that is obscenely blasphemous. I feel inspired! Holy shit! No burning bushes or talking snakes stopped me from doing it!!!
Ugh, and message boards in general have all of these fucking rules about what they consider to be civil behaviour and language. Well, guess what? The Ku Klux Klan can use civil language, that doesn't make their dogshit message worth listening to! Civility goes out the fucking door the second STUPID arrives!!! Why the fuck am *I* under the obligation to be tolerant of an asshat that comes a-strollin' on in, throws blanket ignorant statements all over the the board, and then says, "I am entitled to my opinion."???

People fucking love feeling entitled. However, nobody wants the responsibility that is coupled with forming an opinion. It could be my opinion that we fucking kill by toilet drowning all men named "Vince", but it would be an opinion hinging on bizarre fucking cruel fantasy! By what right do I assert that? "Well it sounded good to me at the time!" FUCK TOO! Spouting off your opinion is worthless, backing it up with rational thought is PARAMOUNT. Far too few people want to back up their opinion with rational thought. More than likely, they have have an emotional response to something ("Eew, gays are icky!") then form all opinions for that "something" based on their emotional response. ("Since gays are icky, they should all be burned in an oven to death.") THAT'S NOT HOW LOGIC WORKS.

Here's a fucking swerve in the rant for you, why the fuck can't I use the word "nigger". It's the most dime-a-dozen fucking word in hip-hop vernacular, but the second fucking a white guy like me says it, IT'S RACIST. Shit, too! It's just entitlement in a different form. My "white guilt" has a limit and does not extend to where I self-censor my expression of thought. Why is it so off limits? Why can't we even approach the subject? That "empowerment" you must be feeling by taking a word that was used to deride you and make it a commonplace colloquialism in your microcosmic linguistics must be VERY intoxicating! Oh, sorry, it is just another self-imposed divide on ethnic relations. "We can use Word A and you may not." is NOT unifying.

What this all is boiling down to is that "delicately phrased" bullshit rhetoric is still bullshit rhetoric, and "disturbing, poorly worded" logic is still logic. When we put up this pretense of civil discourse, more attention gets paid to the verbiage as opposed to the content and relevant information is lost. It is intellectually dishonest to self-censor ourselves. (And, no, this isn't a call to yell, "FIRE!" in a crowded cafeteria...) The more we undermine our ability to plainly express ourselves, the more we undermine our ability to understand, respect, and comprehend each other plainly. Are we so weak-spined that we cannot bear the brunt of harsh truth?

I take shits more interesting than this broad


I am going to preface this post with the fact that I despise Perez Hilton. I think he is a world class douchequeef, and I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire. He is as important to the human race as my blog is, which is no glowing commendation on my part.

However, when someone can steal Perez Hilton's FAIL-fucktacular thunder, I tend to take notice. Enter Miss California 2009. When asked about gay marriage, she eloquently stammers out like a retard, "We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite. And you know what, I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman...No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."

Good for you. Marry a man if you want to. I married a woman. What the fuck do I care if Suzy and Sally down the street want to get married, or Bill and Ted in the upstairs apartment, WHAT FUCKING DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE TO ME AND MY MARRIAGE?

As I have said on this blog before, I am no gay rights activist. At best I am indifferent, but when these sanctimonious fucks parade out in the public spotlight and advertise their intolerance a part of me seethes and burns. Good job, Miss California, you regurgitated your indoctrinated Christian beleifs. We are SO proud of you!

Oh, and as if all of this bullshit want bad enough, Faux News has picked this up and made her the new baby-face of the right. (How did the last beauty queen work out for you fucking retarded fuckstick assholes?) They portray her as "courageous" for "standing up for what she believes in". How courageous are they going to label the people that finally get tired of their bigoted rhetoric and finally shut their asses down for good?

I hope you enjoy your 15 minutes, Miss California. I further hope you don't mind Faux News shagging every ounce of spin they can get out of your pretty blonde Aryan archetype ass before they toss you aside. What's Sarah Palin been up to lately? Funny, I don't know, either.

Monday, April 13, 2009

I write timely movie reviews-"Religulous"


Anyone that is familiar at all with Bill Maher's viewpoint on religion and has passing familiarity with "mockumentaries" pretty much knew what to expect with "Religulous". It was a dirty, back-handed, quote-mined, cherry picked cheap shot at religion. Not that I really care, for the most part I think religious people can go fuck themselves.

Still, whereas it was remotely amusing to watch Maher debate the Bible with working class guys at the Trucker's Temple, or get "escorted" off of Mormon grounds, the only real entertaining and "laugh out loud" part of the whole movie was when he was in Amseterdam mind-fucking with the Marijuana Preacher deadhead. You could tell by the vacaous look on this old fucking hippy's face that he did indeed worship marijuana. DUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH.

I am not sure if it meant to be so disingenuous, but "Religulous" wasn't nearly as critical of religion as I might have expected. Having Bill Maher's smirky ass running around "questioning" religion isn't nearly as telling as the facts revolving around religion, then again, there is only so much material you can fit in 100 minutes.

Ultimately, if you are a passing fan of Maher, you will not begrudge the $2.99 spent to get this movie "On Demand". However, if you are a critical thinking athiest wanting to see religion get nostril fucked...well, keep waiting.

On the Bong! movie rating system, this gets a BONG!!.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Best. Book Review. Evar.


I am going to summarize the awesomenisity of this book review of "The Professor and The Dominatrix" with this single passage:

...the entire segment refers to the guy's penis as “Captain Marvel.” For two pages. What the hell. The description included such Shakespearean writing, such as: "She was a connoisseur. A gobbler of whangs par excellence."

BONG!!!!!!!

(btw, read the full review, it's great!)

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Drivers in Iowa City suck ass and need to DIAF


When I am out driving, I watch and observe every other driver I see on the fucking road. There are times (about 50 per day) where I cannot understand what motivated an individual to pick up their keys and get in their car. Why? Because, judging by the way they drive, they would be much happier sitting on a bus with a thumb up their ass and their mind wandering.

There is a small highway that goes East/West through Iowa City (Hwy 6). It is probably safe to call it the "main road through town". However, it is not the ONLY road through town. Yet this doesn't stop the namby-pamby-got-nothing-better-to-do-Sunday-fucking-drivers from puttering on out and clogging up traffic with their passive obliviousness.

If you don't fucking care about how long it is going to take you to get from fucking Point A to Point B, take the fucking side roads through town you worthless wastes of breathable oxygen! Just because YOU have nothing better than to fuck around all day doesn't mean there aren't people that actually want to do shit with their lives and don't feel like spending it wastefully slothing behind you at 15mph below the speed limit!

By Kahless' Beard! Don't even bother getting on that fucking highway unless you mean goddamn business!!! If paying attention and moving traffic along in an expedient, rational fashion scares you, TAKE THE BUS and rid us of your inability to function at the most rudimentary level of a rudimentary fucking procedure: driving. You suck and I fucking hate you and I want your car to break down. Then I want your house to collapse on you. And catch fire.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Civil Rights Win


Even though I don't consider myself anything remotely resembling a gay rights activist, I am happy for the gay/lesbian community and proud of Iowa for standing up for the civil rights of a minority group (namely, homosexuals) today by declaring UNANIMOUSLY an Iowa Constitutional amendment naming marriage as "between a man and woman" UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

I hope this shows a few things about the Midwest:
  • We aren't afraid to embrace progressive ideas
  • We aren't a bunch of ignorant Bible thumping pig fuckers
  • We CAN set a good example for the rest of the United States
I know all the Fox News drones in Iowa (like my Uncle Steve, luckily I am related to him only be marriage and not blood) will whine to Hannity and all that bullshit like that, but fuck you guys. Reasonable and just people will make reasonable and just decisions. Civil rights will always beat out hatred and prejudice. Whereas I personally don't give a dog's ass if two men or two women fucking feel like getting married, I *DO* care if somebody wants to stand in their way. SUCK IT!