Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Tyler Sash is actually a comic book hero


Tyler Sash solidified himself as a Hawkeye legend when he led the Hawkeyes into Ames in 2009 and curb-stomped the living fuck out of the Cyclones. His three interception and one forced fumble effort only tells part of the story that is the unparalleled manliness and assbeat that is Tyler Sash. So, to help round out the urban legend of Tyler Sash, I offer you this:

Top Ten Absolutely 100% True Facts* You Don't Know About Tyler Sash

  1. Tyler Sash is actually a cyborg sent from the future by Klingons to be awesome.
  2. Tyler Sash saved a kitty from a tree by willing the tree to die.
  3. Tyler Sash hides under the boogieman's bed.
  4. When Tyler Sash finds Brittney, he is going to hang her from the Nile Kinnick statue with her own intestines.**
  5. Tyler Sash stays in prison during his free time so he can beat up pedophiles between games and not "mellow" his "harsh".
  6. Tyler Sash drinks Jobu's rum, and there isn't a fucking thing Jobu can do about it.
  7. If Tyler Sash finds out one of his teammates didn't eat their Wheaties, he eats their spleen.
  8. Tyler Sash broke the rock. With his dick.
  9. When Tyler Sash ass-pats you in the shower, it actually makes you more of a man. If he towel whips you, it's because he cares.
  10. Science is sure that there is no "kryptonite" for Tyler Sash.

*probably not true
**if Tyler is actually the player in question, I apologize. That's not cool.

1 comment:

Andrew said...

Tyler Sash says "Fuck You Jobu" before he shit-cans the fucking Wolverines!