Friday, May 15, 2009


So, I was thinking to myself how awesome the tessto was, and decided to do a web search about it only to find THERE IS EXACTLY JACK AND SHIT ABOUT TESSTOS ON THE INTERNET!!!

This was a travesty of awesomeness that needed correcting, so here we have it:


For avid fans of Dungeons & Dragons, some may recognize the tessto as a weapon of choice for minotaurs. And why not? They kick ass! A cookie-cutter definition looks like:

The tessto is a 6'-long studded club with a loop of rope at its hilt. Using this weapon offensively requires great Strength. A cunning master can use the tessto defensively by spinning it around its center like a baton, and using its loop to snag feet, hands, and heads.

In layman's terms, the tessto is like a gigantic fat branch with these big, barbed and spikey studs all over it. It can not only pummel an enemy, but shred him as well...LOOK!

Can you even imagine anything more assbeat than that?! The fucking frog guy got beat upside that fucking tree so hard it blew his fucking brains out AND the tessto is wrenching out his fucking intestines!!! BAM!!!

So there it is, the coolest weapon in the universe: The tessto.

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