Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Last Person On Earth

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to be the last person on Earth? What the hell would you do as the last known sentient being on the planet?

These types of thoughts have occurred to me before, and I often tried to imagine I would try to something noble and magnanimous, however, when I thought about what I would probably really want to do, it would be summed up like the following:

First thing I do is find my ass a Dodge Viper and drive that bitch like a bat out of hell. No AAA? No towing service? No EMTs? NO PROBLEM!

Once I got my situation with my wheels covered, I start my nationwide cruise that has exactly THREE stops in every town I visit.

  1. Grocery store. For canned food and other life neccessities (booze).
  2. Police stations. Why you ask? Well, stupid, where else am I supposed to find drugs and guns stockpiled all nice and easy? Furthermore, if you gotta ask what I need the guns for being the only person alive, there's a good reason you are dead in this timeline.
  3. Sex shops. To complete my tour of the United States, I am going to defile every Livedoll/Realdoll I can find. However, I am going to find the "perfect" one and save her/him for a special occasion.
Now at some point, I figure I will unintentionally sober up and get bored of the tour, so I will head for the grand finale. It kicks off with a drive to Washington DC. I will take my "perfect" little Livedoll and screw it on the desk in the oval office.

After my farewell fuck, I fulfill my last dream. I teach myself to fly a fighter jet!!! OH WHA AH AH AH!!!



I like to imagine I at least fire off a few of the missiles before I crash it.

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