Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I never turn down a request for a blog post.

For those that don't know, I am a regular on the Evolution Debate thread of Topix. I usually just hang out and and blast the fundies that try to "disprove" evolution, and I even inadvertently manage to make a point from time to time.

Well, for the past few months we (being the rational minded people of Topix) have been bombarded with retardation by a fundie named Wilson (I call him Failson, because he is so full of fail). Failson is a Jehovah's Witness (remember what I said about "fail"?). In one of his raving ratns of lunacy, Failson asserts that people that don't accept God have no moral compass, then he posted this beaut:

How could you, the evolutionist/atheist, know what is morally acceptable behavior - right from wrong?"

He goes on to list...um..."things" (which are itemized below) and tells us, "NOW - take the time, fellas, and pick from this list the ones that are unacceptable behaviors."

I responded, but I would like to expound upon my response in my own Klingon-esque fashion (and in a forum without a profanity filter). So, without further ado, I presnt, "Failson's Questionable List of Questionable Behaviour":

Lesbianism-Right out the gate, the fundie goes for homosexuals! Do I care about rugmunchers? No. PASS.

homosexuality-Ditto, minus the rugmunching.

pornography-Especially with lesbians!!! (I guess I care about lesbianism more than I thought!)

NAMBLA-No thanks, I prefer people to have consenting adults as partners. Besides, just what the fuck is Failson arriving at, here? The only people that find NAMBLA "acceptable" are child rapers! You can say that sets up a false dichotomy, but you have it coming, pederast!!!

lying-my mom taught me better, no

insurance fraud-more lying, so no

pimping-ain't easy

crass commercialism-what the fuck, Failson? Does he mean having Britney Spears in Pepsi commercials?


justice for the rich-well, I believe in justice for all, so the rich are included. And what is with the phrasing of this question? Does being rich somehow exclude someone from getting a fair shake? OJ SImpson was rich and he was fairly acquitted of murder!


Anyway, moving along...

political intrigue-sounds fun! What the hell does it mean? Where does he get this shit? "Political intrigue"...like in the movies?

price gouging-Boo! Who the fuck likes price gouging (other than the people that profit from it)?

permissiveness-Huh? One of the definitions is "tolerance". I would have to say that is acceptable.

child abuse-No

gun violence-No

fornication-YES. Notice how he had to space out sexually themed topics?


uncleanness-Huh? How "unclean" are we talking?

loose conduct-Dude, what the fuck? "Loose conduct"? Like quote mining and cherry picking credible scientific sources to misconstrue them to appear as if they support Creationism?

idolatry-I like Billy Idol. (Seriously, though, what planet does this guy live on? Oh, wait, Jehovah's Witness...)

practice of spiritism-Sure, whatever the fuck that means you fundie retard.

enmities-On second thought, I guess it would be hypocritical of me to downcast hostility

strife, jealousy, fits of anger-In general, I am opposed to these types of things in interpersonal relations. However, I feel anger often has a constructive place. I feel that there are things we SHOULD be angry about (like Christian Fundamentalists trying to rewrite science with theistic doctrine).

contentions-If you go through your life without making ANY contentions, you are officially SPINELESS.

divisions-Like the NFC North? What the fuck is your damage, Failson?

sects-Whatever, how is this a "behaviour"?

envies-Are you making shit up? Wouldn't this fall in the aforementioned "jealousy"?

drunken bouts-The more the merrier! Drive yourself home afterwards, too!!!

greed-Is he expecting someone to say, "I have no problem with greed!"?

white slavery-A. "No" to ALL slavery B. What the fuck? What planet does th...oh, JW...

reviling-Another form of abuse, and the answer is still "no".

child labor-no


frivolous lawsuits-no (Does he expect any of these last 3 to have people pronouncing their acceptance of such things?)

violent entertainment-Is there any other kind? And just how "violent" are we talking? PG13 action movies with guns and swearing, or snuff porno films?

public nudity-I think it should be mandatory world-wide.

dope dealing-Someone has to sell it. Seriously, though, supply will always meet demand. Drug dealers are NOT the thing we need to be worrying about.


home invasion-...no (Oh, wait! I mean YES! Please invite yourself in and tell me about your religion!)


child pornography-no (consenting adult thing again...child raper thing again)

gun running-is this like running with scissors (no)


premarital and extramarital sex-Yes to the first, no to the second

foul language-what the fuck are you talking about?

unjust profit-unjust in and of itself gets a "no" from me

deforestation- no (and I prefer defenestration)

spousal assault-no (Again, this is a form of abuse)

drug abuse-no (recreational use ok)

prostitution-consenting adults, yes

abortion on demand-It will never happen. Not even under Obama, freak.

legal maneuvering-happens all the time

rebellion-Where the fuck would this counrty be without rebellion? Ask Ben Franklin and Martin Luther King, Jr.

insubordination-Ditto to above.

murder-I believe murder is always wrong, but killing is sometimes justified.


And there we have it! Failson's awesome list to gauge how "moral" you are. Hope you enjoyed the retardation and the Jehovah's Witness artwork! QAPLAH!


GumbyTheCat said...

I haven't been in the evo threads much lately. I've been playing around in a thread called "Prove there's a God".

Doesn't matter where you're posting though - if it involves fundies, they get logically thrashed every time but still loudly proclaim they thrashed everyone else. If all else fails (and it always does for them), lie.

I had two fundies try to gun me down tag-team style the other day... I just casually tossed them aside with reason, logic and their own posts used against them. Now they're all over Topix saying I'm an atheist (even though everyone knows I'm a Christian). Last night one of these so called children of Jesus told me to rot in hell.

I must be doing SOMETHING right...

Dirty Hairy said...

You must admit, though, Wilson's brand of JW fundyism is rather entertaining.

Randy said...

Is it wrong that I'm agreeing with everything you've said? Maybe a better question is "Do I even care what the fundies think about me?"

Anyways, My solution for the door to door type of JW is this. Since I am a pale, Skin-headed ( No I'm not a Neo-Nazi bigot, I just like how I look) I just keep a black hooded robe and a Mayhem Cd handy for when these Watchtower pushing fools show up at my door. Inviting them in to participate in the "sacrifice" usually gets them off my doorstep pretty quick. That or have hardcore pornography on the tv, and inviting them into chat about their quackery.

Dirty Hairy said...

I almost included this story in this post (paraphrased dramatically):

There was a guy that used to live across the street from my mom that was a jobless drunk pothead pervert.

One time JW came knocking, and without stopping the "movie" (All Anal Gangbangers 7) on tv or putting out his "pipe" (marijuana), he stands up, grabs a beer, and answers the door.

When the JWs identify themselves, he simply says, "Cool, you guys want to party?"