Friday, August 29, 2008

Two new dreams!

All righty, true believers, I had two more noteworthy dreams recently. One kind of silly, one kind of disturbing.

The Incredible WTF

In this dream, I was playing Bill Bixby's role of Bruce/David Banner. I was trying very hard to avoid being noticed by the "authorities", leading to an amusing car chase that had me carjack a minivan and drive it like a tank/off road vehicle/supercar.

However, after I had escaped the "authorities", the van broke down, and I walked to this guy's house that "I knew from college". He was a big Jesus freak and an alcoholic. He had all kinds of freaky flags with pictures of Jesus and the Crucifixion up all over his lawn and house.

He invites me in and asks me to share some wine with him. Then some more. Then...some more. Once we are good and toasty, something unexpected happens! Sigourney Weaver busts into the room with a gun and informs us that she called the police on me and was going to get the reward for my capture!!!

My drunken Jesus Freak friend tries to stop her, and she shoots and kills him, then I become angry and turn into THE INCREDIBLE HULK! The shock of seeing my transformation turns Sigourney Weaver's hair into white dreadlocks. So I grab her, drag her into the bathroom, and stand her in front of the mirror and say, "Fix that ugly weave, bitch!" (WTF?) Then I run off like Hulk always does.

Fellowship of the Grisly Crime Scene

Much like Tolkien's Fellowship of the Ring, I was a nondescript member of a fellowship that were trying to secretly and safely transport a bag of valuable "Dwarf Gems". It was similar to the LOTR fellowship, with one major exception: it was led not by Gandalf the Grey, but a tall dwarf-woman wizard.

At one point during our journeys, we stop at a house to rest from our long travels, and the dwarf-woman wizard starts freaking out. She is screaming baout how she has failed all of us, especially those whom she considers her students. As her tirade continues, she gets more and more flustered, and she starts stripping naked.

Once she is fully unclothed (and having an unusually well kept patch of pubes for an ugly, hairy dwarf-woman), she announces that "It is all over!", and holds some sort of small relic to the temple of her forehead. As she holds it there, her face turns red and her head starts...inflating.

Next thing we know, her fucking head explodes and her body goes flying across the room and crashes into a Christmas Tree. All of us are sprayed with SPAM-like chunks of brain matter and flesh, and there are little chunks of it all over the floor.

If that wasn't bad enough, the door opens right then, and my dad comes in with his two hunting dogs (a big lab and a lab mix). The two big dogs come stampeding in and began to eat all the little chunks of dead dwarf-woman wizard off the floor. As if taking a cue from the dogs, two of my cats come out from behind the couch and take in the feast as well.

So, I am totally grossed out by the scene, and go to leave the room. In the adjacent hallway, there are still a few chunks that had flown off in that direction on the floor. Sure enough, my third cat pops out from the shadows and starts eating the chunks.
Thank Kahless for alarm clocks.

1 comment:

Chris said...

I'd have fucked that dwarf chick.