Friday, June 27, 2008
I had a swell dream last night. The only background info needed to understand the irony/humor/horror of some of the situations is that my "Aunt Bertha" and "Sister Chrissy" are both nuns.
I was having the penultimate family reunion. I had everyone I was even remotely related to together in a gigantic manse. I was mingling when my Aunt Bertha and her BFF Sister Chrissy approached me.
"Matt, we are having a good time and all, but your dad's sisters are really hard to get along with."
"Understandable, Aunt Bertha, that is why when I was younger I never went around them unless I was as high as a kite."
"Matt, that is a great idea!"
My Aunt Bertha motions to a side room and goes in. I follow her, and Sister Chrissy comes in with my brother trailing her. After we are in the room, Aunt Bertha opens up her fanny pack and pulls out all of this mad fucking bud rolled up in joints, acid geltabs, and them little baby bottles of Jagermeister.
"I was saving these up for just such an occasion!"
So my brother and I proceed to get stoned and fucked up out of our minds with Aunt Bertha and Sister Chrissy. After we are good and messed up. we overhear that the rest of the family is going to watch "The new Indiana Jones movie".
We emerge from our smoky side room, and start watching the movie on the big screen:
There are dark and ancient ruins, in a antechamber deep in the bowels is a naked woman laying on the floor. Around her are many candles, making an image of a crucifix around the nude woman.
There are a set of stairs leading down into this antechamber, and Vern Troyer appears and walks down them. He walks to the base of the "candlelight crucifix" and removes all of his clothing. He proceeds to ejaculate all over the nude woman's breasts and then her face. We are talking Peter North loads, and they were, like, "glowing in the dark".
It's at this point Indy comes running down the stairs, and he yells, "STOP THE SACRIFICE!" He starts to count candles, and when he gets to "Seven", he stops and underneath the seventh candle a hole opens up to reveal a dark hidden stairwell leading down.
Vern grabs Indy by the leg and tells him, "That is where The Master lives...The Master doesn't see ANYONE!"
Unfortunately, this is where my alarm clock went off, but I thought it still made for a good story.