Friday, May 16, 2008

The Worst Thing I Ever Did


My grandfather passed away when I was about 13 or so. He was a devout Catholic and had a Catholic funeral. For those who don't know the Psalms, let me summarize the "trouble area" relevant to this story.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

For most people, this wouldn't be a problem, but we are talking about a 13 year old boy whose head is filled with Beavis and Butthead. I didn't know what to do, I was going to start laughing uncontrollably!

So, doing only what I could sitting next to my stodgy, bitchy aunts, I covered my face and tried to contain the laughter as best I could. What I didn't realize was that it gave the appearance of me sobbing! My aunts thought I was crying over the loss of my grandfather, when in fact I was laughing my ass off at a funeral!!! They put their arms around me and said, "There, there...", and all of that good shit.

OH! It's not like the passage itself was bad enough, but you have to understand something about Father Robocop as well. Y'see, the Padre had a tracheotomy, and the only way he could talk was with one of them robot-voice things he held up to his throat.

Yes, I had Robopriest talking about his comforting rod that makes his cup overflow and rubbing oil on it. Just wow.

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