Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Tah'Qeq (Fek'lhr's Bible)
Book of Kahless 1:1-Kahless is better than all gods, especially Jehovah (that has a neck like a stack of dimes and skinny weenie arms).
1:2-If you anger Kahless, he will forshak Gah Durchfall (translation: shit slithering diarrhea) on your chest.
1:3-When a bunch of sick people get together and pray, Kahless uses "sky magic" to heal them. You can tell it really happened because literally thousands of people were there and they were healed. This is on the internet, so it must be true.
Book of Fek'lhr 1:1-The Mighty Fek'lhr was chosen by Kahless to punish the dishonourable Klingon dead.
1:2-The Mighty Fek'lhr is the captain of the great space-heap IKC Grethor.
1:3-The Mighty Fek'lhr does not care that you are dead and dishonoured, He will mock and emasculate you all the same.
1:4-Wednesday night there is Bingo in the mess hall.
How The Universe Was Created 1:1-One day, after a heaping portion of beans, Kahless farted the known universe into existence. Scientists and theistic Klingon scholars alike call this, "The Big Bean Bang".
1:2-Kahless saw the bits of His forshak flying throughout space, and decided this was good.
1:3-After time, the bits of forshak gravitated towards one another, forming planets. Cosmic flies landed on these forshak planets and evolved into prehistoric, bipedal, ape-like creatures.