Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Top Ten-Chuckles the Clown


For those not in the know, Chuckles the Clown was a local clown that got arrested (and eventually set free) because he was at the Wal Mart in Moline making balloon animals for kids on Cinco De Mayo with his dick hanging out of his clown pants.

It made me wonder what else Chuckles had ever been arrested for. So, the following is the Top Ten Things Chuckles the Clown Has Been Arrested For:

  1. Craptastic says
    One time Chuckles got arrested after freebasing AJAX at a kids party, climbing into the bounce house, dropping trou, and doing the windmill with his semi-aroused member.
  2. anti-gravitational breasts says
    One time Chuckles drunk-drove his car through the atrium of an old peeps home. He stumbled out of the car and saw an old woman. She had a walker and was staring, mouth agape at his actions. In his inebriated state he thought she was some sort of grey-haired alien-machine hybrid. He picked her up and threw her through where his windshield used to be. He fist pumped the air and screamed "COWABUNGA! Clown victors unite!!!"
  3. Stone Soup says
    One time, Chuckles was arrested for public intoxication and disorderly conduct. He was found lying face up on a double yellow line in the middle of a busy highway. He was badly bruised, missing a shoe, and reeked of alcohol and Ajax. He was also crying.

    When the officers pulled him off to the side of the road, he told them that Kathleen Turner had assaulted him. After he was down on the ground, she pulled off his shoe, hit him with it several times, and then fled the scene - with the shoe.

    Chuckles was sobbing "THAT BITCH BEAT ME WITH MY OWN SHOE! MY OWN SHOE, GOD DAMMIT!"
  4. Jacktion! says
    One time, Chuckles huffed so much jenkem that he drove to the nearest mosque and declared that he was going to blow up the place in honor of Jeebus. He tore off his bathrobe to reveal sticks of dynamite strapped to his chest, He also revealed that he was naked and uncircumcized. When the police eventually caught him (after chasing him through a popular kid's playground), they discovered that it was actually hot dogs taped to his chest.
  5. Stone Soup says
    Chuckles was arrested for clubbing Heidi Klum's children.
  6. bryce says
    One time Chuckles punctured his penis with a used hypodermic needle and then went to various playparks trying to convince children that he had been bitten by a snake and to 'suck the poison out' to save his life. It took the police 3 months to catch him.
  7. Watanabex says
    While working for a Brunch Benefit at St. Ambrosious School for Special Children, Chuckles became mesmerized with the wooden ceiling fan and its rat-tat-tat-tic sound after leaving a balloon giraffe without a neck fall to the floor.

    For about 2 minutes he just stood there staring at the fan, the audience thought he was doing some avant gard Kauffman type of comedy bit, but Chuckles just sat there staring at the fan.

    At exactly 12:37 he screamed at the top of his lungs, a demonic howl, and then madness, "My Name is Legion!!" he screamed and started kicking children in the head, he started to choke the nurse who had run up to him, to stop the madness and was tazered by local guards.

    Chuckles proceded to masturbate furiously and chase the poor children around the lunch room.

    it was at that moment that Chuckles was shot twice in the back by Arizona Police officers.

    Chuckles jumped through the window and drove off into the arizona desert in his old 1983 Pinto.

    In chuckles bag, police found a can of Ajax, cut out pictures of Jennifer Aniston, 2 carrots and a National Treasure 2 commemorative big gulp cup.
  8. Pauly Dangerously says
    Chuckles once did shrooms at a hotel, started the trip and then threw a plate of room service spaghetti that was left out for the cleaning crew all over the walls in the hallway, and when he was chased by security he jumped off the first floor onto the roof of a rental car and caved it in busting out all the windows. Then, he jumped into his 1971 Ford Thunderbird and drove onto the I-10 freeway to escape. When he got off on an exit, he was approached by a hobo who asked for change. Chuckles said "Go around to the other door, this window doesn't work" and when the bum was in front of his car he ran him over. True Story
  9. chodin says
    Chuckles once sucked on a child's penis so hard that grape pedialyte came out.
  10. Jacktion! says
    Chuckles killed Pimp C.


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