Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Guest Commentary: The Mighty Fek'lhr's Snuff Film!
QAPLAH, forshak dwelling HaDiBahs! The Mighty Fek'lhr has graced your paltry existence with His excellence again!
For a long time, The Mighty Fek'lhr has had an idea for a snuff film that He has wanted to get off His chest. So, with no further interruption, The Mighty Fek'lhr presents: Honey, I BTK'ed the Kids!
Rod Firmcock had not been a Scoutmaster for a long time. In fact, this weekend was his first camping trip! Unfortunately, a recent outbreak of Hepatitis kept most of the boys at home, but little Tommy, Timmy, and Bert were all looking forward to learning about the Great Outdoors, Rod believed.
"Wow, Mr. Firmcock! Our campsite is out in the middle of nowhere! There must not be anyone around for at least a mile in each direction!"
"You might be right, Timmy! Hey, do you guys know what marijuana is?"
They all laughed and had a good time as Rod lit up the kids. It wasn't too long before he had them "licking the stamps". The boys were giggling and enjoying themselves, until...
"OK, boys, time to learn to be MEN!"
Rod entered the glow of the night campfire dressed in a large Garfield suit. He was holding a gun. Next to him was a box.
"Now, all of you put on your costumes, and no one gets hurt!"
Tommy freaked and was the first to die. The other two sobbed as they got into the garments. One was Odie, the other Nermal.
"You, dog! Get on all fours and bark!"
As Timmy dressed as Odie started 'Woofing', Rod blew his ass away.
"I FUCKING HATE DOGS!"
Bert, dressed as Nermal, started crying.
"I guess that leaves only Garfield and Nermal! Time for the REAL FUN!"
Rod bear-hugs Bert and shoots himself in the head.