Friday, January 18, 2008

Filmdrunking - by The Mighty Fek'lhr


Qaplah, you forshak lapping dogs! Many people have asked The Mighty Fek'lhr about the intricacies and ambiguity surrounding the Filmdrunkards. In this, His humble attempt to cover as much ground in as short of space, The Mighty Fek'lhr will translate Filmdrunking to the masses.

First and foremost, you have to be a sick fuck to Filmdrunk. If you are squeamish or socially conscious in the least, you have no place there. The Filmdrunkards like to joke about dead hookers, farts, rape, minorities, or farting on a dead minority hooker after you rape and/or kill her (if s/he was alive to begin with). Nothing is taboo or off limits. To be an exceptional Filmdrunkard, working knowledge of: narcotics and alcohols, depraved sexual maneuvers, and body disposal tactics is also strongly recommended.

Second, one must be secure with their sexuality. There is no shame in admitting in a joking fashion about letting Val Kilmer bone you in the ass (unless you liked it). Every Filmdrunkard has been violated not only by the same sex, but by the same sex of different species. Period. There is a rule at Filmdrunk: It is not gay as long as you both were really drunk, one of you was dressed up like a girl, and/or the tranny was killed afterwards. Remember it. Furthermore, in Mexico it is only gay if you are "taking it".

Third, there are a lot of...unique terms tossed around at Filmdrunk, a newcomer might think We are raving incoherent sociopaths! The terms are split into two categories: General and Klingon.

General:
Durst-in reference to Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit, "dursting" is like going to church and farting so loud that God punishes you by having the place go dead silent and everyone ignoring you. Nommy thought this up, so worship the fucking ground he walks on!

GRRR...(insert something manly here)-In the unfortunate event that something kinda un-hetero were to escape your lips/fingertips, face can be saved by growling ("GRRRRR") and saying something manly. For example: GRRRR...RED MEAT!, GRRRR...FOOTBALL!, GRRRR...PETE WENTZ! (just kidding!)

BTK-Bind, Torture, Kill: What Filmdrunkards do to the ones they love

broha-"brother", brutha, my bro, etc

Bruce Greenwood-The Best Actor that ever lived. PERIOD.

cankerdick-an unflattering term Canadians have for Americans

CKT-none of your fucking business

cummel-short for "cum towel", also known as a "cum rag". Never touch another guy's cummel.

COME AT ME BROLIATH!-the new best way to taunt your enemy!

"Getting Hustla'd"-When a Filmdrunkard gets caught Filmdrunking at his/her job and subsequently fired (made famous by Vegas Hustla)

DB's dead Nazi garlic cesar cockbreathed mother-a dead whore

Bryce's Grandmother-if it wasn't for her, most of us would still be virgins

fifi-an artificial vagina used for male pleasure

tater mitt-using a tater mitt as a fifi

Erswi Special-Manwich and a Fifi

A Durst Sausage Fest-What happens when things get too ghey around here and you guys need to go punch a fifi to feel manly again

Ass to Mouth-What every Filmdrunkard aspires to

FUCK MIKE!-if you know a guy named mike, he probably fucking sucks- FUCK MIKE!

"Aslan is on the move"-Filmdrunkenese for "I gotta shit...NOW!"

BOOSH-it pretty much means BOOSH!

Jacktion's! sexuality-Even though Jacktion! is the manliest of the Filmdrunkards, we continually try to emasculate him to cover our inadequacies

Erswi-This is Joker's Wild for those who haven't fucking figured it out

Jenkem-an awesome fucking hallucinogenic drug made of fermented shit and piss and captured in a balloon to be inhaled. It's great because the stupid fucking idiot kids that take it say that the only drawback to "ass-hashing" is that it leaves a "sewer taste" in your mouth for a few days.

Empty Jenkem Balloon :( - Indicates a sad event, anagram of "Jellybean Tempo Monk". Alternates: Empty Today Sponge :( , Full Jenkem Balloon :D , Empty Ammo Clip :( (ok, fine, I just made that up); antonyms include: "Full Jenkem Balloon" and "Trunk Full of Dead Children" :D

Duke-John Wayne in a Devo Hat

Cowabunga!!!-What all virile men say when they ejaculate (and slam down the phone receiver)

Eibmoz, Anti-Gravitational Breasts/Lalala, Al/Mr. Swearengen, Butters, Koru, BK, Chino Moreno, Heather Crapbag, Michelle07, Emmalee (and a few others)-these are some of the girls that Filmdrunk. We have no idea why. The Mighty Fek'lhr will try to update this list as females become apparent to Him.

Lanky Mangina/Lance Martini/Vince Mancini/Lince/Vance-The Dr. Filmdrunk that writes all the crazy funny posts.

Vince's Thumb > Uwe Boll


bird rapist-a Filmdrunkard

assflake, shitnail, cuntscab, cocktorch, cunt trumpet-cool words

penis-splint-What Brett Ratner has to wear because he Dursts so much he can't even homo right

Lisa Rinna-1. n - A talking plunger last seen interviewing the 'who's that' of Hollywood's C-List.
2. plastic-surgery-cock-vacuum-face
3. I think all this chicks went in for a vaginal rejuvination, but had a dyslexic doctor
4. I enjoyed Lisa Rinna's performance in Little Shop of Horrors
5. She's a cum curtain
6. her interviewing skills may be aweful, but look at that grip on the microphone!!!!! goddamn!!!!! harry hamlin is a lucky FUCK!!!!!
7. Lisa Rinna's face reminds me of either an odd-looking woman or a very sexy Plecostomus Catfish.
8. lisa rinna reminds me of the girl muppet from the electric mayhem band

"taint stab"- 1. verb: To thrust, plunge, or jab (a knife, pointed weapon, spiked brass knuckles, playful tongue) into the genital region's nether-world from which no light or hope may escape. Also, when performed with a silver Dunkin' Donuts swizzel stick (and adorned with a Thundercats Pog), it is the only known way to render Tom Cruise mortal. (variant - Taint Punch: noun, Drink served at the final Scientology meeting.) Also, generally considered the most hilarious way to win the Special Olympics 100m hurdles.
2. v. what occurs when they let Michael J Fox trim Tom Cruise's taint at the Scientology prayer meeting.
3. n. See "Lisa Rinna's lips"
4. n. an act common in prison. When an inmate hasn't showered and the taint begins to build up smegma. The smegma is collected until the wad is big enough to fashion into a shank or shiv. Sharpened on the concrete floor of the prison, the prisoner can deliver a fatal blow from the taint shank into the victims taint. When the prisoner is done stabbing the victim, he yells "COWABUNGA" and beats victim with the phone receiver.

geroge washingto-a legendary American hero

picture book for retards-graphic novel/comic book

Glen-is from Oregon

CotW-Comments of the Week are put up in an expedient and enthusiastic fashion each week by Vince

Hahden the fawk up!-What Carlton Fisk would say to your sorry ass if you fagged out on something (like peeing in a stall that had a door in a public restroom) It is also rumored that Underbite LOVES fake Boston accents.

the tip-What a Filmdrunkard gives Vince, to see if it feels good

Lt. Cockblock-any shitnail assflake cuntscab that tries to fuck with your mojo

Piss Boot-It's a cowboy boot full of piss, it's not Rocket Surgery

click-a gigantic clitoris that resembles a dick, made famous by Chyna (please don't click that link unless you mean it...oooo! a PUN!)

PortaBella Mushwomb- 1. Trust me, you don't want to know.

Is that the guy from Double Dragon?-it is polite to verify the veracity of this claim when someone changes their avatar (especially Pauly)

grace00-The vilest, stankiest cunt on planet Earth AND fatter than Kirstie Alley!!!

Retard/Kangaroo MMA-How JHC and Fek'lhr will make their millions.

Efronium-One day, scientists will identify the gay element and name it Efronium.

*****

Update 1/5/15: In honour of passing the torch, The Mighty Feklahr wishes to recognize and monumentalize the Filmdrunk comments section culture and lexicon, including the evolution it has made. "the9" took up the torch for the self-described "silver agers" of Filmdrunk commenting:

"With Schnitzel Bob, Verbal, LiebFan and others, we have entered into a silver age of commenting here on Filmdrunk.

Alas, the Golden Age was over whenever Morton Salt died. Chino Moreno and Pauly Peligroso left in their grief and The Mighty Feklahr returned to his home planet. Donkey Hodey recommitted himself to the eradication of wind energy. Stinky Pete hopped aboard his ship bound for ports unknown. Chareth got a job at the mill and was too busy to come around anymore. This all left me, the9, all alone, talentless, humorless, and lacking the ability to make jokes, to tend bar here at Filmdrunk Cantina waiting for the revitalization of my city. Thankfully Patricia Boots and her husband, Stallonewolf, remained to weather the storm for a new generation here at Filmdrunk."

the9, if you or any of the other glorious Filmdrunk commenters wish to make suggestions to update this entry, or use any part of this entry for your own devices, The Mighty Feklahr is at your service. Filmdrunking is VERY important and worthy of taking pride in! Qapla!

*****


Klingon:

Fek'lhr-The One that Speaks Klingon

Dor sho gha!-surpise/excitement (Holy Cow!)

Guy'cha!-like Dor sho gha! but dirtier (Fuck Me Running With Britney Spears' Dick!)

Forshak-shit

yIntagh-one with inadequate intelligence, a dumbass

kotal-a fuckwad

HaDiBah-animal fucker (not necessarily an insult!)

tahQeq-"traitor", perhaps the lowest insult in the Klingon language. Has subtle Romulan insinuations (not good if you are a Klingon concerned with honour)

Duras-the seediest, most cowardly, Romulan-coddling, gah-durchfall-lapping, tahQeq

QiYom-a REALLY bad word. REALLY. BAD. Don't use it unless you mean it.

Gah-slithering worms that are a delicacy to Klingons

Gah Durchfall-slithering diarrhea

Kahless-The Most Honourable of all Klingons!

Grethor-The ship Fek'lhr flies with all of the dishonoured Klingon souls (they mostly jerk each other off and dress as Boy Scouts and/or sodomize one another)

BONG!!!!!!-The sound a ba'Sin makes when struck

ba'Sin-A Klingon instrument similar to a gong, struck when something unfunny and/or shitty happens

The ba'Sin Show-The Klingon equivalent of the Gong Show
Qo'!-Not!
Qovlpath-Motherless cocksucking douchebag hentai lover

QAPLAH!-Success! (This can actually be used in various ways. In Klingon culture it is relevant as a greeting, a parting word, a call to arms, a victory chant, or general drunken nonsense)
nuqDaq 'oH puchpa''e'-Where is the bathroom?
Hab SoSlI' Quch!-Your mother has a smooth forehead (now that is a BURN)


9 comments:

The Hero You Hate said...

you get rid of the klingon talk and maybe some day you guys can get laid.

Dirty Hairy said...

How about I just take your mother's body out of the freezer and fuck that, shitpants? Either that or I can just wait until your girlfriend gets done working the french fry shift at McDonalds and toss dirty condoms at her.

Thanks for commenting!

The Hero You Hate said...

you dont know my mother or my girlfriend. but your cute when your angry. silly alien.

Dirty Hairy said...

Nice comeback, squirrel-bait.

Oryx said...

We Filmdrunk because not all girls Wonder What Tard Television actors Do.

Paul said...

THE PISS BOOT LINK IS BROKEN

Alex D.S. said...

I`ve been wondering what the fuck btk meant for like two years and was afraid of asking so not to look like a fool for being from another country.
Thanks!

Argentino.

A Dead Turdenite said...

^ Hairold. Stupid hindsight.

Anonymous said...

Il semble que vous soyez un expert dans ce domaine, vos remarques sont tres interessantes, merci.

- Daniel